Cricket's Greatest Sledges

The Ashes, at long last, get underway this evening. A sparky, lively encounter, which will hopefully lighten up the cold winter for those of us in the Northern Hemisphere.

And the Ashes have certainly contributed to the dubious poetry of cricket that is the art of sledging. Just to get us in the mood for the start of the series at midnight, here are a few of cricket's greatest sledges:

Viv Richards was one of the most exciting, swashbuckling batsmen of the past 30 years. But for a few balls, Greg Thomas had got the better of the great West Indian. Thomas couldn't resist throwing a jibe at Richards, telling the great man, "it’s red, its round and weighs about 5 ounces.” Needless to say, Viv hit the next ball out of the park, before telling Thomas,“you know what it looks like, go and fetch it.”
Arjuna Ranatunga, not necessarily the fittest man in professional sport, asked for a runner when Australia were playing Sri Lanka on a very hot Sydney night. Aussie wicketkeeper, Iain Healy's response was that “You don’t get a runner for being an overweight and unfit fat ****.”
Shane Warne also tried to lure the big Sri Lankan down the pitch in another game. Healy suggested, “put a Mars Bar on a good length. That should do it.”
Daryll Cullinan, who had been one of Shane Warne's victims many times over the years was heading to the crease. Warne immediately shouted to Cullinan that he had been waiting two years to have another crack him. Cullinan responded, “looks like you spent it eating.”
Freddie Trueman was even happy to sledge his own teammates. After letting the ball go through his legs from an outside edge off Trueman's bowling, the guilty fielder, Raman Subba Row came up to Truman and apologised: “Sorry Fred, I should have kept my legs together.” Truman responded, “So should your mother.”
Malcolm Marshall was bowling to David Boon who had played and missed a couple of times. Marshall: "Now David, Are you going to get out now or am I going to have to bowl around the wicket and kill you?"
Merv Hughes was beating Robin Smith with a sequence of great deliveries. After beating the bat for the again, Merv quipped, “Mate, you can’t f****n bat.” Smith then hammered the next ball to the boundary before saying, "hey Merv, we’d make a fine pair. I can’t f****ng bat and you can’t f****ng bowl.”
James Ormond met a tirade of abuse from Mark Waugh, who kept saying, “mate, what are you doing here? There is no way you’re good enough to play for England.” Ormond responded, “maybe not, but at least I’m the best player in my family.”
When the great Iain Botham came to the crease , Aussie ‘keeper Rod Marsh asked him: “So how’s your wife and my kids.” Botham's response - "the wife's fine but the kids are retarded."
“All right, which one of you bastards called this bastard a bastard?” – The way the Aussie vice captain dealt with complaints that somebody had sworn at Douglas Jardine.
Ian Healy once said to Mike Atherton, "You’re a f*****ng cheat.” To which Athers responded, "When in Rome, dear boy.”